No Stone Unturned?

This just in: A well known college professor has been arrested and accused of putting marijuana in the food that seagulls consume. When asked why he did this he stated -"I want to leave no tern unstoned."

Highest Number

One day Jimmy went up to his father and asked, "Daddy, what's the highest number?" His daddy said, "Well, I'm not exactly sure, but I think it's in the stimulus package."

Painted Toilet Seat

A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife was away. His wife came home sooner than he expected, used the toilet, and got the seat stuck to her rear. Distraught, she asked her husband to unscrew the seat and drive her to the doctor. When they got to the doctor's office, the man lifted his wife's coat to show him their predicament. The man asked, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?" "Well, yes," the doctor replied, "but never framed."