Win the Lottery

John, who was in financial difficulty, walked into a church and started to pray. ''Listen God,'' John said. ''I know I haven't been perfect but I really need to win the lottery. I don't have a lot of money. Please help me out.'' He left the church, a week went by, and he hadn't won the lottery, so he walked into a synagogue. ''Come on, God,'' he said. ''I really need this money. My mom needs surgery and I have bills to pay. Please let me win the lottery.'' He left the synagogue, a week went by, and he didn't win the lottery. So, he went to a mosque and started to pray again. ''You're starting to disappoint me, God,'' he said. ''I've prayed and prayed. If you just let me win the lottery, I'll be a better person. I don't have to win the jackpot, just enough to get me out of debt. I'll give some to charity, even. Just let me win the lottery.'' John thought this did it, so he got up and walked outside. The clouds opened up and a booming voice said, ''John, buy a fucking lottery ticket.''

Photo Store

Q: What did Cinderella say when she left the photo store?
A: Someday my prints will come...

Golf Joke

Suggestions for guys golfing or using a public bathroom; Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart. Form a loose grip. Keep your head down. Avoid a quick back-swing. Stay out of the water. Try not to hit anyone. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you. Don't stand directly in front of others. Quiet please!... while others are preparing to go. Don't take extra strokes.