Insect jokes

• Q: Where would you put an injured insect?
  A: In an antbulance!
• Q: What's an insects best chat up line?
  A: Pardon me, but is this stool taken!
• Q: What has four wheels and flies?
  A: A garbage truck!
• Q: What happened to the man who turned into an insect?
  A: He just beetled off!
• Q: What is green and brown, has four legs and can kill you if it falls out of a tree and lands on you?
  A: A pool table?
• Q: What lives in gum trees?
  A: Stick insects!
• Q: How do we know that insects are so clever?
  A: Because they always know when you're eating outside!
• Q: What is the insect's favorite game?
  A: Cricket! 

Kenny Rogers Bus Crash

Kenny Rogers and his entourage are aboard their tour bus on their way to a concert in Denver, when they get a flat tire. The mechanic jumps off the bus to fix the flat, but because they're already behind schedule and in a hurry, he neglects to double check that the lug nuts are properly tightened. Shortly thereafter, as the bus goes around a curve on a twisty mountain highway, the entire wheel comes off. The bus veers off the road, and plunges down the side of the mountain. Everybody on board is killed, except for a young "roadie" who happened to be lying in his bunk, and was somewhat shielded from the crash by his mattress. The kid is lying in his hospital bed being interviewed by the press, and one reporter asks him if Kenny Rogers had said any last words? "Yes," said the young man, "he did." As the bus went over the edge I could hear Mr. Rogers singing... "You picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel"...

Marital Bliss

I married a beautiful woman - a smart one too.
Hopefully they’ll never meet.