U.S. State Jokes
This guy walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says: "You ain't from around here, are ya... where ya from, boy?" The guy says, "I'm from Iowa." The bartender asks, "What th' hell you do in Iowa?" The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist." The bartender asks, "A taxidermist... now just what th' hell is a taxidermist?" The guy says, "I mount animals." The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's OK boys, he's one of us!"
State Flower of West Virginia
Q: What's the state flower of West Virginia?
A: A satellite dish.
After several years of serving the church in a far away land, a priest is requested to report to his new assignment at a church in the South Bronx, New York. He set out immediately to learn the new culture by taking a walk down the street in plain clothes. On his way, a loose looking woman approaches him and in a lowered voice says, "Hey Buddy... blow job 25 bucks." The priest glares at her confused and says, "What's a blow job?" The woman is just as confused and says, "What are you a comedian?" and walks off. The priest, undaunted, walks on to the next block and again another seedy looking woman confronts him and again repeats, "Hey mister, blow job 25 bucks." The priest quickly replies, "What is this blow job!?" The woman looks at him surprised and thinking something's wrong hurries off. The priest, now very curious, returns to the church to ask anyone he can find what exactly a "blow job" is. The priest sees the mother superior and says, "I have a question -- What's a blow job?" Mother superior quickly goes to shut the door and upon returning to her seat she replies in a whisper. "Same as on the outside... 25 Bucks."
Hunting Trip Emergency
Two Virginia hunters, Bob and Fred, were going on a hunting trip. They get to where they wanted to be and started walking. After about a half hour of walking, they sit down and take a rest. Bob says to Fred, "I'm not feeling to good." Fred says, "Well, we can walk back to the truck." Bob says, "Yeah lets do that." So they start walking. About 15 minutes into the trip, Bob falls over. Fred panics and calls 911. The operator answers and says, "911, what's your emergency?" Fred says, "My friend fell over with a heart attack, I think he's dead, what do I do?" Operator says, "Well first make sure he's dead." Fred says, "Ok." The operator listens and hears a BANG!!! Fred gets back on the phone and says, "Ok. He's dead... now what?"
In late 2014 the Wampanoag Indians asked their Chief if the winter was going to be cold and snowy. Not really knowing an answer, the chief takes a guess and tells the members of the village to collect wood to be prepared. Being a good leader, he then went to the library and checked the internet forecast from the National Weather Service. He was happy to see that their data agreed with message he gave his village. So the now confident Chief went back with a more urgent message to his people to collect even more wood and to be prepared. A month later he again visited the library and checked the forecast. The new forecast predicted even colder temperatures and huge snowfall. So the chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood. Two weeks later he makes one final check with the National Weather Service. This time he calls and speaks with one of their senior forecasters, gets an even colder forecast with even more snow and asks the agent how they can be so certain. The man replies, "The Indians in Boston are collecting wood like crazy!"