I.R.S. Parking Tickets

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Boston Globe, April 13, 1990 "Is there justice in this world?"
Well, in Jacksonville, Fla., an Internal Revenue Service car parked outside the federal courthouse was "booted" for unpaid parking tickets, forcing tax collectors to fork over $122.50 to set it free. The IRS had to pay $95 for five tickets, a $25 removal fee plus $2.50 for processing to get the boot taken off, said Gertrude Bradley, clerical supervisor for the city parking division. With the tax-filing deadline closing in, courthouse employees were chuckling about the IRS' misfortune. But the agency was not amused. "We're not pleased with it," said spokesman Holger Euringer. Yeah, we're all really upset.

Oklahoma Crazy Law

• It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots.
• Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
• It is illegal to wear your boots to bed.
• Fish may not be contained in fishbowls while on a public bus.
• Tissues are not to be found in the back of one's car.
• Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another's hamburger.
• No one may spit on a sidewalk.
• Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.
• Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings. (Repealed)
• Anyone arrested for soliciting a hooker must have their name and picture shown on television.
• It is against the law to read a comic book while operating a motor vehicle.
• Whaling is illegal.
• Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog.
• Tattoos are banned.
• Residents are taxed for the furniture in their homes, and any other personal belongings. (Repealed 1998)
• People who make "ugly faces" at dogs may be fined and/or jailed.
• Ada If you wear New York Jets clothing, you may be put in jail.
• Clinton Molesting an automobile is illegal.
• It is unlawful to put any hypnotized person in a display window.
• Oklahoma City - No one may walk backwards downtown while eating a hamburger.
• Schulter - Women may not gamble in the nude, in lingerie, or while wearing a towel.
• Tulsa - You may not open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer.
• Elephants are not to be taken into the downtown area.
• Wynona - One's mode of transportation must be tied up while not attended.
• Mules may not drink out of bird baths.
• Clothes may not be washed in bird baths.
• Yukon - It is illegal to tie a horse in front of city hall.
• While passing another vehicle, you must honk your horn. 

Arkansan Citizens Trip

ATTENTION  All citizens of Arkansas planning a trip to Washington, D.C. to visit Willy Jeff
1. Before leaving for Washington, clean red mud from windshields and remove hog and chicken feed from pick-up bed.
2. Any cardboard box can be made to look like a suitcase if brown shoe polish is smoothly applied. Boxes must have tops, but no ropes. When a few miles out of Arkansas, remove overalls and brogans and putt them into your box. Change to Sunday suit, clean shirt and good shoes (wear socks).
3. Limit occupancy of your car or pickup to a reasonable number of riders. It looks country to overload a vehicle.
4. Those going on their tractors should leave three weeks early. Remember to drive on the right side of the road at all times, except when passing an older tractor or a buddy in a wagon.
5. En route always buy a full tank of gas. A dollar's worth at a time requires too many gas stops.
6. On arrival in Washington, immediately get settled in a tourist or boarding house. If they don't feed, try to locate near an all-nite cafe. Leave soda crackers, Viennas, R.C. Colas and Moon Pies In car or pick-up. First class tourist homes do not take kindly to guests who prepare food in their sleeping rooms.
7. Do not take live chickens or hogs - for some reason people in Virginia think that they have good hams. For the sake of national unity, we don't want to show them up. Besides, their dogs would chase our chickens and our hogs would eat their dogs... just making a hell of a mess.
8. Do not take Sears catalog or corn cobbs with you. Up there the out-houses are always inside and they furnish a rolled paper substitute, but remember to turn the knob on the white bowl as this is a house rule and creates less air pollution problems. Brother Al Gore gets all heated about this pollution and we don't want to set him off.
9. If invited by a county agent, fertilizer manufacturer's representative or hog vaccine manufacturer's salesman to have a drink in his hotel room, do not spit tobacco juice on the carpeted floor. When asked what you drink, don't say "stump juice". Tell them all classy people from Arkansas drink B&B (Bourbon and Branch water).
10. And above all else - don't let any Yankee show you up. Constant screaming of "He's a good ole boy" will make it difficult for them to engage you in conversation on their intelligence level. You can also keep up the chant started by Cousin Slick, "It's time for change!" As you know, we plan a change of underwear on the first of every month. First cousins change with second cousins, but always keep it in the family. Willie has passed a decree, even when divorced you can still be cousins in Arkansas.