I.R.S. Parking Tickets

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Boston Globe, April 13, 1990 "Is there justice in this world?"
Well, in Jacksonville, Fla., an Internal Revenue Service car parked outside the federal courthouse was "booted" for unpaid parking tickets, forcing tax collectors to fork over $122.50 to set it free. The IRS had to pay $95 for five tickets, a $25 removal fee plus $2.50 for processing to get the boot taken off, said Gertrude Bradley, clerical supervisor for the city parking division. With the tax-filing deadline closing in, courthouse employees were chuckling about the IRS' misfortune. But the agency was not amused. "We're not pleased with it," said spokesman Holger Euringer. Yeah, we're all really upset.

Arkansas Governor Application

Arkansas Governor Application First name:___________________
Last name (if known):_______________________
Address (where you live): Mother's name(list also relation, i.e., sister):__________________
Birthdate (yours):____________________
Father's name (if known, if not, list two possible choices)______________
Color of neck: Light Red( ) Medium Red( ) Dark Red( ) No Neck( )Year of pickup truck:____________
Do you have the following in your truck: Fuzzy Dice( ) Gun Rack( ) Coon Tail( ) Filled ash tray( ) Used Condoms( ) Dead Road Kill( ) Dog of Unknown Breed( )Have you ever been to a large city? (Like Little Rock) Yes( ) No( )How far can you throw cow pies?__________
Do you eat cow pies? Yes( ) No( )Wife's name:__________________
Is she: Cousin( ) Neighbor( ) Sister( ) Mother( ) Neighbor's dog( ) Right hand( )Does your wife weigh: Less than 200 Pounds( ) Less than 300 Pounds( ) Less than a 747( ) More than a 747( )Do you know what a 747 is? Yes( ) No( )How much smarter than you is your wife: 50 IQ Points( ) 75 IQ Points( ) 100 IQ Points( ) She Won't Tell Me( )Does your wife wear: A Dress( ) Pants( ) Hot Pants( ) Your Pants( ) Them Lawyer Clothes( ) Nothing( ) Nothing but an Arkansas U Hog Head Hat( )Color of wife's hair: Blonde( ) Red( ) Brown( ) Black( ) Bald( )Did you understand the previous questions: Yes( ) No( ) What does "previous" mean?( ) Huh?( ) All of the Above( )Have you ever had: Herpes( ) Jock Rot( ) The Drip( ) Roids( ) Zits( )(Check all that apply) Ear Wax( ) Long Nasal Hairs( ) Brown Nose( )Have you ever: Castrated a Pig( ) Been Castrated by a Pig( ) Danced to Achey Breaky Heart( ) Had an Achey Breaky Heart( ) Been Mistaken for Elvis( ) Had Fantasies about Toto( ) Had Fantasies about Dorothy and Toto( ) Had Fantasies about Gilligan( ) Had Fantasies about Gilligan and the Skipper Too( ) Inhaled( )
Where was your last Elvis sighting?________________
On what date?___________
Can you count past five: Yes( ) No( )
Past ten: Yes( ) No( )
Explain in ten words or less why on Earth you want to be Governor of Arkansas:
Signature (or 'X' if you can't write)________________________________

Signs You're From New York

• You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan.
• You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skill.
• You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
• You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
• The homeless are invisible.
• The subway makes sense.
• The subway should never be called anything prissy, like the Metro.
• You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
• You think $7.00 to cross a bridge is a fair price.
• You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple".
• Your door has more than three locks.
• You go to a hockey game for the fighting, in the stands, to participate.
• Your favorite movie has DeNiro in it.
• The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.
• You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
• You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard.
• You complain about having to mow it.
• You are a skee-ball juggernaut.
• You consider Westchester "Upstate".
• You cried the day Ed Koch took over for Judge Wapner.