Smog Out

Q: What happens when the smog lifts in Los Angeles?
A: U.C.L.A.

Louisiana Heritage

A few clues to being a true Louisianan:

• Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
• "Vacation" means going to the family reunion.
• You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
• You measure distance in minutes.
• You know several people who have hit a deer.
• Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
• Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
• You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
• You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
• Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
• You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals.
• You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
• You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.
• All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.
• You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
• You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
• You carry jumper cables in your car.
• You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.
• You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
• You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
• You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
• The local paper covers national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
• You think that deer season is a national holiday.
• You find 90 degrees F "a little warm."
• You know all 4 seasons: Almost summer, summer, Still summer, and Christmas.
• You know if another Louisianan is from southern, middle, or northern Louisiana as soon as they open their mouth.
• There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.
• You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good gumbo weather.

Maryland Crazy Laws

Maryland Laws:

• Thistles may not grow in one's yard.
• Baltimore - No person who is a "tramp" or "vagrant" shall loiter in any park at any time. They define tramp as a person who roves for begging purposes and a vagrant as an idle person who is able-bodied living without labor. It's a $50 fine. I guess the tramp would have to beg for the money to pay the fine.
• It's illegal to take a lion to the movies.
• It's illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-story window within the city limits.
• It is a violation of city code to sell chicks or ducklings to a minor within 1 week of the Easter holiday.
• It is a park rule violation to be in a public park with a sleeveless shirt. $10 fine. This would include joggers that go shirtless. (1898)
• Baltimore City - You may not curse inside the city limits. Though you may spit on a city roadway, spitting on city sidewalks is prohibited.
• Columbia - Though clotheslines are banned, clothes may be draped over a fence.
• You can not have a antenna exposed outside of your house yet you can have a 25' satellite dish.
• Ocean City - Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited.
• A law from the early 1900's prohibits men from going topless on the Boardwalk. (Repealed)