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The best jokes and joke writers!

Bumper Stickers Seen

Bumper Stickers Seen

  • You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.
  • I have the body of a god... Buddha.
  • This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me.
  • Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
  • The face is familiar but i can't quite remember my name.
  • Illiterate? Write for help.
  • Honk if anything falls off.
  • He who hesitates is not only lost but miles from the next exit.
  • This isn't my idea of a good time.
  • It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
  • Uniquely maladjusted, but fun.
  • This bumper sticker exploits illiterates.
  • I haven't lost my mind it's backed up on disk somewhere.
  • Oh, evolve!
  • Gone crazy be back shortly.
  • If you're not outraged you're not paying attention.

Texan with a New Car

Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. "I know that smart aleck Tex," said the first. "He's going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back." "Not Tex," the second cowboy replied. "He'll always be just a good ol' boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello." "I know Tex better than either of you," said the third. "He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now." Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted, "Audi, partners!"

Pissing on a Ferrari

One day, a guy walks out from a shop to see someone pissing on his Ferrari. "Hey," says the man. "Why are you pissing on my Ferrari?" "Because I feel like it." "Tell you what -- I won't report you to the police if you can keep up with my Ferrari." "Whatever." So the guy gets in his car and drives off, going faster and faster, until he's hit 100 miles per hour. Amazingly, the guy is still keeping up. "I'm amazed," says the driver. "How are you keeping up?" "It's easy," says the running man, "when your dick is stuck in the door."

Show Him Your Cross

Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, were traveling through Europe in their car, sight seeing in Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Mary Agnes, "What should we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Mary Vincent.

Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock the mini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"What shall I do now?" she shouts.

"Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy water before we left the Vatican," replies Sister Mary Vincent.

Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. The vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"Now what?" shouts Sister Mary Agnes.

"Show him your cross," says Sister Mary Vincent.

"Now you're talking," says Sister Mary Agnes. She then opens the window and shouts, "Get the fuck off our car!"

Car Clunk

An auto mechanic received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners." Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a "clunk." He then made a left turn and again heard a "clunk." Back at the shop he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem. Promptly he returned the repair order to the service manager with the notation, "Removed bowling ball from trunk."