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The best jokes and joke writers!

Penguin Car Trouble

Once there was a penguin whose car broke down. He took it in to get it serviced, and while it was being worked on, he went shopping. He returned later that day to see what had happened to his car, and the mechanic told him, "It looks like you've blown a seal." The penguin, chuckling, and wiping his beak replied, "No, I've just eaten some ice-cream."

Bumper Stickers Seen

Bumper Stickers Seen

  • You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.
  • I have the body of a god... Buddha.
  • This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me.
  • Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
  • The face is familiar but i can't quite remember my name.
  • Illiterate? Write for help.
  • Honk if anything falls off.
  • He who hesitates is not only lost but miles from the next exit.
  • This isn't my idea of a good time.
  • It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
  • Uniquely maladjusted, but fun.
  • This bumper sticker exploits illiterates.
  • I haven't lost my mind it's backed up on disk somewhere.
  • Oh, evolve!
  • Gone crazy be back shortly.
  • If you're not outraged you're not paying attention.

Texan with a New Car

Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. "I know that smart aleck Tex," said the first. "He's going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back." "Not Tex," the second cowboy replied. "He'll always be just a good ol' boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello." "I know Tex better than either of you," said the third. "He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now." Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted, "Audi, partners!"

Pissing on a Ferrari

One day, a guy walks out from a shop to see someone pissing on his Ferrari. "Hey," says the man. "Why are you pissing on my Ferrari?" "Because I feel like it." "Tell you what -- I won't report you to the police if you can keep up with my Ferrari." "Whatever." So the guy gets in his car and drives off, going faster and faster, until he's hit 100 miles per hour. Amazingly, the guy is still keeping up. "I'm amazed," says the driver. "How are you keeping up?" "It's easy," says the running man, "when your dick is stuck in the door."

Lorena Bobbitt Car Accident

Q: Did you hear Lorena Bobbitt was almost killed in a traffic accident?

A: Some dick cut her off.