Don't Touch Me

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing away from each other.  A few minutes into the class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and switched the inputs for the keyboards. She came back and started typing and immediately got a distressed look on her face.  She called the teacher over and explained that no matter what she typed, nothing would happen. The teacher tried everything. By this time I was hiding behind my monitor and quaking red-faced.  I started to type, "Leave me alone!"  They both jumped back, silenced. "What the . . . " the teacher said. I typed, "I said leave me alone!"  The kid got real upset. "I didn't do anything to it, I swear!" It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud. The conversation between them and HAL 2000 went on for an amazing five minutes.
Me: "Don't touch me!"
Her: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit your keys that hard."
Me: "Who do you think you are anyway?!" Etc.
Finally, I couldn't contain myself any longer and fell out of my chair laughing.  After they had realized what I had done, they both turned beet red. Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class.

Redneck Computer Terms

• Backup - What you do when you sight a skunk in the woods.
• Bar code - Them's the fight'n rules down da local tavern.
• Bug - The reason you is a giv'n for calling in sick.
• Byte - What yer pit bull dun to cusin Jethro.
• Cache - Needed when you go to da store.
• Chip - Yer cusin's uncle's mother's boyfriend's name.
• Terminal - Time to call da undertaker.
• Crash - When you go to Junior's party uninvited.
• Digital - The art of counting on your fingers.
• Diskette - A female Disco dancer.
• Hacker - Uncle Leroy after thirty years of smoking.
• Hardcopy - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.
• Internet - Where cafeteria workers put their hair.
• Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.
• Mac - Big Bob's favorite fast food.
• Megahertz - How your head feels after seventeen beers.
• Modem - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall.
• Mouse pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live.
• Network - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line.
• Online - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test.
• Rom - Where the pope lives.
• Screen - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch.
• Serial port - A red wine you drink with breakfast.
• Superconductor - Amtrak's Employee of the year.
• Scsi - What you call your week-old underwear.

Smartphone Bug

Q: Why was there a bug in the Smartphone?
A: It was looking for a byte to eat.