We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

The best jokes and joke writers!

You Know You're From California When...

The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway

You were born somewhere else

You know how to eat an artichoke

The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic

Your car has bulletproof windows

Left is right and right is wrong

Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income

Your mouse has only one ball

If you need a new TV, you can run down to the local riot and pick one up

You dive under a desk whenever a large truck goes by

You can't find your other earring because your son is wearing it

You drive to your neighborhood block party

Your family tree contains "significant others"

Your dog has its own psychiatrist

You don't exterminate your roaches, you smoke them!

You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance

More than clothes come out of the closets

"The Dead" are best live

You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach

Your blind date turns out to be your ex-spouse

More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers

Smoking in your office is not optional

You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach

When you can't meet schedule because you must "do lunch"

Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks

Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news

You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hottub repairman

You consult your horoscope before planning your day

A glass has been reserved for you at your favorite winery

Light Bulb - Northern Californians

Q: How many Northern Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Hella.