Bush and Cheney Hunting
Bush and Cheney went hunting, killed a giant buck, and were dragging it by the legs back to their car, when they were approached by a seasoned old hunter. "Hello, Mr. President, and Vice President. If I may please make a suggestion... it would be much easier for you to drag your deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."
The leaders of the free world thanked the man and tried his suggestion. A while later Cheney said, "You know, that was good thinking. This is a lot easier!" "Yessir," agreed Bush. "But durn it! We're gettin' farther away from our truck!"
The Hunting Season
This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying "NERDS NOT ALLOWED -- ENTER AT OWN RISK!" He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of nerdy, asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver says he drives a truck and that the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender says, "Ok, truck drivers are not nerds", and serves him a beer.
As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that. The bartender said not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating the Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license, he said. So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season." "Well, sure," said the patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em."
Three idiots decide to go hunting. The first one says he's going to get a buck. He goes out, and indeed comes back with a buck. The other two hunters ask how he did it. He says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get buck." So the second hunter says that he's going to get a doe. And he does. They ask him how he did it, and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get doe." So the third hunter says, "I'm just gonna shoot at anything I see."
So he goes out and comes back half a day later all beaten, bruised, bloody, and totally trashed. The other two hunters ask him what happened and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get hit by train!"
Stand your Ground
Q: What did one skunk say to the other skunk when the hunter came over the hill with a gun?
A: Let us spray.