A golfer was addressing his ball, getting ready to shoot. Just as he was about ready to hit, a voice came over the PA system, "Will the gentleman on the lady's tee please move back to the men's tee". He looked up, looked back down and then resumed addressing the ball again. The Voice again - "Will the Man on the Red tees please move back to the White Tees?!" He looked back at the starters shack and yelled, "Will the idiot on the PA shut up so that the man on the lady's tee can hit his second shot"!
A man was on his first business trip to Japan, and he decided to check out the local Whore House. He walked in and was assigned a young girl with a body that got him "up" immediately. As soon as they reached the room, he started ripping her clothes off and going to town. Moaning and grunting, the girl was screaming in Japanese, "Wasukima! Wasukima!" He was sure that she was praising him for his good job, so he kept going harder than ever. Later, he went golfing with his boss and a few clients. As the clients were Japanese, he decided to impress them with his new knowledge of their language. When one of them got a hole in one, he raised his arms and shouted "Wasukima!" All of the men looked at him quizzically, and one of them asked, "Why are you shouting 'wrong hole'?"
The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods, then hit into a few trees, then proceeded to hit across the fairway into another woods. Finally, after banging away several more times, he proceeded to hit into a sand trap. All the while, he'd noticed that the club professional had been watching. "What club should I use now?" he asked the pro. "I don't know," the pro replied. "What game are you playing?"
A Wise Man
A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport. "These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained. "These fairways seem to be getting longer too," said one of the others. "The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too," said the third senior. After hearing enough from his Senior buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the four of them at 87 years old, piped up and said... "Quit your dang complaining and just be thankful we're still on the right side of the grass!"
Right or Left
A group of guys lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. One guy got transferred to another city and a new woman club member heard them talking about it. She said, "You know, I used to play on my college golf team and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?" The three guys looked at each other. Not one of them wanted to say 'yes', but she had them on the spot. Finally, one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting early -- at 6:30 a.m. The woman said this may be a problem, and asked if she could be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes, but said okay. She smiled and said, "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45." She showed up at 6:30 sharp and playing right-handed, beat all three of them with an eye-opening two-under-par round. She was fun and a pleasant person, and the guys were impressed. Back at the clubhouse, they congratulated her and invited her back next week. She smiled, and said, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45." The next week she again showed up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she played left-handed. The three guys were incredulous as she still beat them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They were totally amazed. They couldn't figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to be purposely showing them up. They invited her back again, but each man harbored a burning desire to beat her. The third week, the guys had their game faces on. But this time, she was 15 minutes late, which made the guys irritable. This week the lady again played right-handed, and narrowly beat all three of them. The men mused that her late arrival was due to petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play, they couldn't hold a grudge. Back in the clubhouse, all three guys were shaking their heads. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out. They had a couple of beers, and finally, one of the men asked her point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?" The lady blushed, and grinned. "That's easy," she said. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I like to switch back and forth. When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his you-know-what was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed."
The guys thought this was hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, "But what if it's pointing straight up?" She said, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."