A Golf Gotcha!
Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two 'gotchas'." The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went along with it and off they went. Coming back from the 18th hole, the rest of the club members were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100. "What happened?" asked one of the members. "Well," said the pro, "I was teeing up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand between my legs and grabbed my balls while yelling 'Gotcha!' Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second 'gotcha'?"
A guy out on the golf course takes a high-speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground, when he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée is still a virgin in every way." The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them. She says, "You are my FIRST, no one has ever touched these breasts." He whips down his pants and says... " Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"
Beautiful female aliens are invading the earth and kidnapping sexy, good looking older men, who are great golfers.
I'm not sending this to you as a personal warning, you are not in any danger.
I just e-mailed you to say goodbye.
Golf with Mother Nature
A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she hacks the hell out of the buttercups.
Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golf bag and looks at her and says, "I'm Mother Nature, and I don't like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you won't be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea." The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared.
Shaken, the wife calls out to her husband, "Hey, where's your ball?" He responds by yelling, "It's over here in the pussy willows". The wife screams back, "DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!! DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!!"
Sucking Golf Balls
Q: What do you call a woman who can suck golf balls through a hose?