Man On Sofa And Football Watcher
Q: What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
A: The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
Q: Why did the NFL rule that the entire Patriots team was guilty in the #deflategate scandal?
A: Because all men would know if their balls were smaller than usual when they started playing with them.
Patriots Admit Guilt
Q: What did the Patriots say about #deflategate in their press conference?
A: The Patriots said it was true, they did deflate the Colts balls during the championship game.
Not a Giants Fan
Two boys are playing football in Central Park when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dogs collar and twists, breaking the dogs neck. A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Giants Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Giants fan," the little hero replied. "Sorry, since we are in New York, I just assumed you were." said the reporter and starts again. "Little Jets Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he continued writing in his notebook. "I'm not a Jets fan either," the boy said. "I assumed everyone in New York was either for the Giants or Jets. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked. "I'm a Cowboys fan." the child said. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little Redneck Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet!"
Three nuns went to a baseball game and three men got stuck sitting behind them. The men were frustrated because their habits were blocking their view. So they came up with a plan to make them leave. ''I think I'll move to California, there's only 50 Catholics there," said the first man. "I think I'll move to Washington, there's only 25 Catholics there.'' "I think I'll move to Idaho, there's only 10 Catholics there.'' Then one of the nuns turned around. "Go to Hell, there are NO Catholics there."