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The best jokes and joke writers!

Sports Entrance Exam

UNIVERSITY ENTRANCE EXAM SEC FOOTBALL PLAYER VERSION
(Time Limit: 3 Weeks)

  1. What language is spoken in France?
  2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
  3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to:
    (a) build a bridge
    (b) sail the ocean
    (c) lead an army or
    (d) WRITE A PLAY
  4. What religion is the Pope?
    (a) Jewish
    (b) Catholic
    (c) Hindu
    (d) Polish
    (e) Agnostic
  5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
  6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
  7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
  8. What are people in America's far north called?
    (a) Westerners
    (b) Southerners
    (c) Northerners
  9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton
  10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.
  11. Where does rain come from?
    (a) Macy's
    (b) a 7-11
    (c) Canada
    (d) the sky
  12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
    (a) yes
    (b) no
  13. What are coat hangers used for?
  14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?
  15. Explain Le Chatelier's Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
  16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?
  17. Which part of America produces the most oranges?
    (a) New York
    (b) Florida
    (c) Canada
    (d) Wisconsin
  18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do you have?
  19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?
    *You must answer three or more questions correctly to qualify*

American Footballers to Change Lightbulb

Q: How many American footballers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two - one to screw it in and the other to recover the fumble.

Virginia Football Players

Q: If you have a Virginia Tech football player and a UVA Football player in the same car at the same time, who drives?

A: The state trooper!!"

End Abuse

Q: How do you get a Rams fan to stop beating his wife?

A: Put her in a Patriots jersey

The Pope and the Rams

What do the Pope and the Rams, both appearing in the St. Louis Trans World Dome, have in common?

They both feature 3 million people saying,  'Jesus Christ!'