Q: Hey, you wanna win?
A: Nah, we'll pass.
God Help Me
A Nationals fan who spent nearly $2K for his ticket was running late and desperately trying to find a parking space for Game 5 at the stadium. He had already missed the first inning, so he prayed to God and said, "If you find a parking space for me I promise I'll never miss church again." Just then a car pulled out of a space right in front of him, and the guy said, "Never mind, I just found one."
Run Pete Run
Q: What did Pete Carroll say to the prostitute after the super bowl?
A: I'll pass.
Q: Which football player wears the biggest helmet?
A: The one with the biggest head.
Q: What goes all the way around a baseball field but never moves?
A: The fence