Two old men were fishing off a bridge as they had done daily for many years. Suddenly a funeral procession came down the road. The one old man reeled in his line, lain down his pole, faced the street and bowed his head until the procession had passed. He then picked up his pole and started fishing again. The other fisherman was amazed and stated "I didn't know you were that religious." The other looked at him and said "Least I could do, we've been married 42 years!"
Three men were out golfing with the club pro one day. The first man teed off and hit a dribbling ball about 60 yards. He turned to the pro and asked, "What did I do wrong?" The pro replied, "Loft." The next golfer teed off and hooked the ball into the woods. He asked the pro the same question. The pro again answered, "Loft." The third man teed off and sliced it into a pond. He too asked the pro, "What did I do wrong?" Again, "Loft." As they were walking down the fairway, the first man finally spoke up to the pro. "All three of us hit completely different tee shots and yet when we asked you what we did wrong, you gave the same exact answer every time. "So what does Loft mean?" asked the three men. "The pro shook his head and said, "Lack of Friggin' Talent!"
A lion would never drive while drunk.
But a tiger wood.
Boss: "Johnson, we're giving you a promotion but you have to move to Montreal."
Johnson: "Montreal! Nothing comes from there except hookers and hockey players!"
Boss: Listen pal, my wife comes from there!
Johnson: Without missing a beat replies, "No kidding! What position does she play?"
Jose can you see!
A man named Jose went to America to see the Yankees vs. the Red Socks. When he got the ticket, it said nosebleed section. He did not care what section he was in. Anyway, it was game day. Everyone stood for the National Anthem. When Jose got home, he said, "Mama, they made a song in America just for me." "How does it go, mijo?" "It goes Jose can you see!"