A Woman with Two Black Eyes

Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing! You already told her twice!

College Courses for Women

1. Silence, the Final Frontier - Where no woman has gone before.  
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking - How to make deposits.  
3. Combatting the Imelda Marcos Syndrome - You don't need new shoes everyday.  
4. Dieting Ethics - Learn how not to inflict your Diets on other people.  
5. Nag Nag Nag - how to overcome your tendency to be a fish wife.  
6. Party Attire Reuse - An invitation to a party does not mean that you have to have a new outfit.  
7. Man Management - Discover how the garbage can wait until after the game.  
8. Personal Space - Leaving at least enough space in the bathroom cupboard for your partners toothbrush.  
9. Valuation - Just because it's not important to you.  
10. Communication Skills I - Tears as the last resort and not the first.  
11. Communication Skills II - How to think before speaking.  
12. What he Really Wants - Is buying the right razor blades so difficult.  
13. Driving a Car Safely - A skill you can also acquire.  
14. Party Ethics - Real women drink their share at a party.  
15. Telephones - How to hang up.  
16. Parking - Beginners Course.  
17. Parking (Advanced) - Reversing into a parking space.  
18. The Natural Habitat of the Towel - Why they prefer the floor.  
19. Managing Your Weight - It's not water retention, it's fat.  
20. Learning to Cook I - Bran in not food.  
21. Learning to Cook II - Bringing back bacon and eggs.
22. Compliments - How to accept them gracefully.  
23. PMS - Your problem, not his.

Modems vs Women

Some reasons why a modem is better than a woman:

1. A modem doesn't ask for a commitment if you use it.
2. Getting a modem to obey you is as simple as typing "AT".
3. When you're done using your modem, you can roll over and go to sleep without feeling guilty.
4. A modem won't say a word if you come home late.
5. A modem can't collect alimony if you decide to dump it.
6. A modem will always wait patiently by the phone.
7. You can always get a few bucks for an old modem when a faster model comes out.
8. A modem doesn't mind if you call another modem.
9. A virus you catch from your modem doesn't require a trip to the doctor.
10. You don't have to bring a modem home to meet your parents.
11. If an error occurs, Abort, Retry or Fail are the only options you have to worry about.
12. Modems come with an instruction manual.
13. Modems have a volume control - you can even turn the sound OFF.