Sexist Jokes

• If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman. If you don't, you are not a man.
• If you praise her, she thinks you are lying. If you don't, you are good for nothing.
• If you agree to all her likes, she is abused. If you don't, you are not understanding.
• If you make romance, you are an 'experienced man'. If you don't, you are half a man.
• If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring. If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing.
• If you are well-dressed, she says you are a playboy. If you aren't, you are a dull boy.
• If you are jealous, she says it's bad. If you aren't, she thinks you do not love her.
• If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her. If you don't, she thinks you do not like her.
• If you are a minute late, she complains it is hard to wait. If she is late, she says that's a girl's way.
• If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel. If she is visited by another, 'oh it's natural, we are girls'.
• If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold. If you kiss her too many, she yells that you are taking advantage.
• If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics. If you do, she thinks it's just one of the man's tactics.
• If you stare at others, she accuses you of flirting. If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring.
• If you talk, she wants you to listen. If you listen, she wants you to talk.

After having their 10th child, an Arkansas couple decided that that was enough. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor told the man that he was to go home, get a cherry bomb, put it in a can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Arky said to the doctor "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a can next to my ear is going to help me." So the couple drove to Missouri to get a second opinion. The doctor was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed they were from Arkansas. This doctor also told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, place it in a tin can, hold it next to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both doctors couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5..." at which point he paused, placed the can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."

"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

Q:  Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?

A:  When you take it off you wonder where her tits went!

Yesterday was international women's equality day and international dog day.

What a great day for bitches.