Sex Jokes - Private Parts

A dad was taking his daughter with him to the barbers and she asked what she was going to do while they were there. Her dad stopped and got her a bug juice and a Twinkie to keep her busy. When it was time for the dad to receive his hair cut his daughter followed along and stood by her dad. The barber told the little girl to go sit down because she might get hair on her twinkie. The little girl responded, "I know, and I'm going to get boobs too"

Two drunks walk into a bar. The first drunk looks at his buddy and says "I gotta go use the can." So he wonders off to the bathroom and is gone for 5 ... 10... 20 minutes. Well his friend gets pissed off and goes in to get him. He finds him in there and asks "What the hell are you doing?" The first drunk replies "Everytime I flush, something reaches up and grabs my balls." The second drunk looks at him and says "Well ya dumbass, you sittin on the mop bucket"

A small boy walks into his mothers room and catches her topless.

"Mummy, mummy, what are these?" he says, pointing to her breasts.

"Well, son," she says, "these are balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven."

Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied.

Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes into the kitchen. "Mummy, mummy, Aunt Mary is dying!"

"What do you mean?" says his mother.

"Well she's in the garden shed, lying on the floor. Both her balloons are out, Dad's blowing them up, and she keeps yelling 'God, I'm coming! I'm coming!!!'"

A guy who has a stuttering problem goes in to his doctor and says, "Ex-ex-ex-cu-cu-se m-m-me d-d-oc but I I I have th-th-this st-st-stuttering problem and I I I was wo-wondering if you c-c-c-could help m-m-m-me."

"Well take off your clothes and get into this gown and let me check you over." The guy gets into the gown and the doc begins his check-up. The doctor is quite surprised: "I see what the problem is. Your penis is so large that it's pulling on you abdominal muscles which in turn is causing a strain on your vocal chords."

"W-w-w-well c-c-can you h-h-help m-m-me?"

"Sure I can but we'll need to cut off about 8 inches."

"I-I-I-I can't t-t-t-take this an-any more do it."

Six months later the guy goes back to the doc. "Well doc, I must say that the operation was a great success, but my sex life really sucks and I would like my operation reversed. Please put back what you took off."

The doc replies "F-f-f-f-f-fuck off!"

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat." "But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down,then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"