Love, Lust, or Marriage?

How do you know if you're in love, in lust, or really married?

• LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room. LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room. MARRIAGE - When you lose your child in crowded room.
• LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love." LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing." MARRIAGE - What the hell are you talking about?
• LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have. LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot. MARRIAGE - When you argue over money.
• LOVE - When you share everything you own. LUST - When you steal everything they own. MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.
• LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax. LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax. MARRIAGE - What's a climax?
• LOVE - When you write poems about your partner. LUST - When all you write is your phone number. MARRIAGE - When all you write is checks.
• LOVE - When you show concern for your partner's feelings. LUST - When you couldn't give a shit. MARRIAGE - When your only concern is what's on TV.
• LOVE - When your heart flutters everytime you see them. LUST - When your groin twitches everytime you see them. MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties everytime you see them.
• LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel. LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it. MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio.
• LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your partner. LUST - When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner. MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score.

Brand Name Condoms

Which condom would you use?

• Nike Condoms: Just do it.
• Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.
• Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.
• Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.
• Mentos Condoms: The fresh maker.
• Flinstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.
• Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but ph balanced for a woman.
• Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, it's that simple.
• Ford Condoms: The best never rest.
• Chevy Condoms: Like a Rock.
• Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?
• New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey -- you never know.
• Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.
• EverReady Condoms: Keeps going and going
• KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.
• Coca Cola Condoms: Always the Real Thing.
• Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.

Why Beer is Better than Women

1. YOU CAN ENJOY A BEER ALL MONTH LONG.
2. BEER STAINS WASH OUT.
3. YOU DON'T HAVE TO WINE AND DINE BEER.
4. YOUR BEER WILL ALWAYS WAIT PATIENTLY FOR YOU IN THE CAR WHILE YOU PLAY FOOTBALL.
5. WHEN YOUR BEER GOES FLAT, YOU TOSS IT OUT.
6. BEER IS NEVER LATE.
7. A BEER DOESN'T GET JEALOUS WHEN YOU GRAB ANOTHER BEER.
8. HANGOVERS GO AWAY.
9. BEER LABELS COME OFF WITHOUT A FIGHT.
10. WHEN YOU GO TO A BAR, YOU KNOW YOU CAN ALWAYS PICK UP A BEER.
11. BEER NEVER HAS A HEADACHE.
12. YOU DON'T HAVE TO DRIVE A BEER HOME IN THE MORNING.
13. A BEER WON'T GET UPSET IF YOU COME HOME WITH ANOTHER BEER.
14. IF YOU POUR A BEER RIGHT, YOU'LL ALWAYS GET GOOD HEAD.
15. A BEER ALWAYS GOES DOWN EASY.
16. YOU CAN HAVE MORE THAN ONE BEER IN A NIGHT AND NOT FEEL GUILTY.
17. YOU CAN SHARE A BEER WITH YOUR FRIENDS.
18. YOU ALWAYS KNOW YOU'RE THE FIRST ONE TO POP A BEER.
19. BEER IS ALWAYS WET.
20. BEER DOESN'T DEMAND EQUALITY.
21. YOU CAN HAVE A BEER IN PUBLIC.
22. A BEER DOESN'T CARE WHEN YOU COME.
23. A FRIGID BEER IS A GOOD BEER.
24. YOU DON'T HAVE TO WASH A BEER BEFORE IT TASTES GOOD.
25. IF YOU CHANGE BEERS YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY ALIMONY.