A Forty Year Marriage

A couple married forty years were revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded countryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road. The woman said, "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did here forty years ago." The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the fence, and he immediately jumped her bones like a bass on a junebug. They made love like never before. Back in the car, the guy says, "Darlin', you sure never moved like that forty years ago - or any time since that I can remember!" The woman says, "Forty years ago that goddamn fence wasn't electrified!"

A Promise to Keep

"But this isn't an engagement ring." the young lady protested. "Why it's just a tiny unset diamond."  "Yeah ! I know." said the fellow, "And, it'll be mounted in a cluster around a big one, the very day after you are."

Love, Lust, or Marriage?

How do you know if you're in love, in lust, or really married?

• LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room. LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room. MARRIAGE - When you lose your child in crowded room.
• LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love." LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing." MARRIAGE - What the hell are you talking about?
• LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have. LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot. MARRIAGE - When you argue over money.
• LOVE - When you share everything you own. LUST - When you steal everything they own. MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.
• LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax. LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax. MARRIAGE - What's a climax?
• LOVE - When you write poems about your partner. LUST - When all you write is your phone number. MARRIAGE - When all you write is checks.
• LOVE - When you show concern for your partner's feelings. LUST - When you couldn't give a shit. MARRIAGE - When your only concern is what's on TV.
• LOVE - When your heart flutters everytime you see them. LUST - When your groin twitches everytime you see them. MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties everytime you see them.
• LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel. LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it. MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio.
• LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your partner. LUST - When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner. MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score.