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The best jokes and joke writers!

Bedroom Statue

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "Stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to." she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue." "What's this, honey?" the husband asked as he entered the room. "Oh, it's just a statue." she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked the idea so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the "statue." Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went into the kitchen, and returned with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here." he said to the 'statue.' "Eat this. I stood like an idiot at the Smith's for three days and nobody offered me so much as a glass of water."

Dreams: Difference Between Genders

Q: Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of?

A: Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.

The Hunt

A guy tells his wife that she has three choices. She can either go hunting with him, give him a blowjob, or he can butt fuck her. The wife says, "I don't want to go hunting because its cold out, and I've never been butt fucked before, so I think I'll go with the blowjob. "So she's down there doing her thing and suddenly she says, "your dick tastes like shit! "The guy says, "yeah, the dog didn't want to go hunting either."

Bellybuttons

Q: How come blonde girls have bruises in and around their bellybuttons?

A: Because blonde boys are stupid as well!

Wait in the Car

Upon returning to their car from a shopping, one of the young ladies realized that she had forgotten to stop at the pharmacy for her birth control pills. She rushed into the nearest pharmacy and gave her prescription to the pharmacist. "Please fill this immediately," she asked. "I've got people waiting in my car!"