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The best jokes and joke writers!

Secret

This guy walks into a bar and two steps in realizes it's a gay bar, but decides, "What the heck, I really want a drink."

When the gay waiter approaches he says to the guy, "What's the name of your penis?"

Guy:  Look, I'm not into any of that.  All I want is a drink.

Waiter:  I'm sorry, but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis.  Mine for instance is called 'Nike" for the slogan 'Just Do It'.  That guy down at the end of the bar calls his 'Snickers' because 'It Really Satisfies'.

The guy looks dumbfounded, so the waiter says he'll give him a couple of minutes to think it over.  So the guy turns to the man on his left and asks, "Hey, bud, what's the name of your penis?"

Other customer:  Timex!

First guy:  Why Timex?

Other guy:  Because it takes a lickin and keeps on tickin!

A little shaken, he turns to the guy on his right.

First guy: What's the name of your penis?

Second guy:  Ford!  Because quality is job #1!  Have you driven a Ford lately?

Even more shaken, he thinks a little more and finally thinks of a name for his penis.

Guy:  Bartender!  The name of my penis is "Secret'!

Waiter:  (pouring beer)  Why 'Secret'?

Guy:  (proudly)  Because it's strong enough for a man, but made for a woman!

Gay Sperm

Q: What did one gay sperm say to the other?

A: I can't find my way through all this shit.

Bus Driver's Parents

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull." The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant." The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, "What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!" The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!"

Acne and Catholic Priests

Q: What is the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?

A: Acne usually comes on a boy's face after he turns 12!

He's Fond Of You

A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India. One man he passed sported an enormous erection. "Sergeant-Major!" the colonel shouted. "Give this man 30 days compassionate home leave." "Yessir," the Sgt. Major replied. A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man. "Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days compassionate home leave," the Colonel barked. A few months later, same guy, same problem. The Colonel is angry. "Sergeant-Major! Haven't we given this man two compassionate home leaves?" "Yessir," the Sgt. Major replies. "Then what's his problem, Sgt. Major?" the Colonel asks. The Sgt. Major salutes and says, "Sir. It's you he's fond of."