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The best jokes and joke writers!

Shagging Twins

My friend told me he was shagging his girlfriend's twin.

I said: "You lucky thing! But how do you tell them apart?"

"Oh that's easy," he said, "Her brother has a mustache."

Let's Do It

Man: Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason.
Woman: Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

Leprechauns and a Small Penis

Once there was this guy, lets call him Fred, who had a very small penis. Poor Fred thought if only he had larger equipment then maybe the chicks would like him more. One day Fred went into the men’s room and a very short man dressed in green was standing there peeing. Well, Fred couldn't help but notice what an enormous penis the man had and he said as much. "How did it get so big?" he asked incredulously. "With magic," the man replied, "I am a leprechaun. "Fred was amazed. "Can you make mine that big? "The leprechaun could and said he would if Fred would only do him a small favor...to bend over and let him have his way with Fred. Fred agreed and did so. When they were finished he pulled his pants back up and stood. "How old are you boy?" the man in green asked as he stood at the door. "Thirty. Why?" "You're thirty years old and you still believe in leprechauns?"

 

Two Executives Working In The Garment Center

Two executives working in the garment center are having lunch together. Goldstein says to his friend, "Last week was one of the worst weeks of my entire life."
"What happened?" asks Birnbaum. Goldstein moans,
"My wife and I went to Florida on vacation. It rained for seven days and seven nights, so my wife went out and spent thousands of dollars on the credit card. I came back to New York and found out that my brother-in-law accountant has been ripping me off for millions. And, to top it all off, when I came in to work on Monday morning, I found my son having sex with the garment model on my desk!"
"You think you had a bad week?" responds Birnbaum. "My week was even worse! I went to Florida on vacation with my wife and it rained for seven days and seven nights, so my wife went out and spent thousands on the credit card. Then, when I got back to New York, I found out that my brother-in-law accountant has been ripping me off for millions. And, to top it all off, when I came in to work on Monday morning, I found my son having sex with the garment model on my desk!"
"How can you say that your week was worse than mine?" asks Goldstein. "It was identical!"
"You shmuck!" replies Birnbaum. "I manufacture men's garments!"

No Balls.

Q: How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?

A: Even the pool table doesn't have balls.