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The best jokes and joke writers!

One For The Mrs.

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it...our lives depend on it!" "Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, 'I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice butt!"

Gay Men and a Baby

Two gay men were partners for life and finally decided they wanted a child of their own. After weeks of consultation with doctors and psychiatrists the two decided to mix their sperm and implant it into a willing surrogate mother. Soon they learned that the procedure had worked and that the surrogate was pregnant and doing well. After the usual period of time they got the call they were waiting for... their baby was born!

So they rushed to the hospital to see the little one. Looking through the viewing glass they noticed several newborn girls in a row... all of which were crying and carrying on intensely. Then they spotted a cute little baby boy at the end of the row, smiling and looking at them with great joy... this little baby had to be theirs.

Soon they saw a nurse and she confirmed that yes, indeed the peaceful little boy was their son. They started congratulating each other, saying how lucky they are that they have such a perfectly happy well behaved son.

The nurse, hearing this, said "He may look happy now, but you should see him when we take the pacifier out of his ass!"

Gay Sperm

Q: What did one gay sperm say to the other?

A: I can't find my way through all this shit.

The Bar Exam

Once upon a time there was a 98-year old woman whose billionaire husband died. The woman had inherited all of her deceased husband's fortune and decided she would see if she could remarry herself a fine young man. So, she walked into a bar and announced to all the men that she had inherited billions of dollars and would marry the guy with the biggest dick. Now of course this woman wasn't all that in the looks department, as a matter of fact she looked more like a shriveled prune then a human being, however, the guys didn't care. They knew this old lady would croak soon and they would get all that money. The woman then told the men to stiff themselves up to full erection and lay their dicks on a long table. They did what she said. All of a sudden, two gay guys walked into the bar, looked at the table and said "Mmmm! A buffet!"

Little Tommy's Babysitter is Gay

10 year old Tommy comes home from daycare and tells his mom that he thinks his babysitter is gay. "Whatever makes you think THAT?!!?" says mom. Tommy replies, "Because his dick tasted like shit!"