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Sex Jokes
Nursing Home Wheelchair Games
Ethel loves to charge around the nursing home in her wheelchair. Due to her eccentric nature, other residents tolerate her behavior and even play along. As Ethel speeds down one corridor, a door opens and a man steps out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!" he says in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fishes around in her handbag and pulls out a candy wrapper. "OK," he says and she goes on her way. As she rounds the next corner, another man steps in front of her and shouts, "STOP! Do you have a valid taxi medallion for your vehicle, madam?" Ethel digs into her handbag again and pulls out a beer coaster. "Looks good," he says and sends her on her way. Going down the final corridor, a third man steps in front of her. He is stark naked and holds an erection in his hand. "Oh no," says Ethel, "Not the breathalyzer again!"
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A Virgin Wife
"Was your wife a virgin when you married?"
"I don't know. Some say yes. Some say no."
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Five Inch Drop
A fly flies back and forth over a river repeatedly, dropping five inches each time. A fish sees it and decides it will jump and catch it when it drops. A bear sees the fish and decides it will get the fish when it jumps. A hunter with a cheese sandwich in his pocket sees the bear and waits for it to go for the fish to shoot it. A mouse sees the cheese sandwich and decides to wait for the hunter to shoot so that the sandwich will fall and he can get it. A cat sees the mouse and decides to wait for it to go for the sandwich to jump and catch it. So, the fly drops, the fish jumps, the bear goes for it, the hunter shoots, the sandwich falls, the mouse goes for it, and the cat jumps, but he misses and goes into the water.
The moral of the story: when the fly drops five inches, the pussy gets wet.
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