School Jokes - College Jokes

M.I.T.: "I had a nervous breakdown this weekend." "Have some fries."

Caltech: "I had three nervous breakdowns this weekend." "Have some fries."

Yale: "I got mugged on the way to class today." "Have some fries."

Brown: "I got a nose ring this weekend, Professor Smith." "Cool! Me too! Have some fries."

Swarthmore: "I got a B." "Anywhere else it would have been an A. Have some fries."

Princeton: "My father took away my Porsche this weekend." "Poor dear. Have some Escargot."

Harvard: "Did you do anything this weekend?" "Nope. Have some fries."

Williams: "Don't I know you?" "Of course you do, silly. Have some fries."

Cornell: "I killed my lab partner this weekend." "Bummer. Have some fries."

Columbia: "I wish I could be eating these fries at a better school." "Me too. Let's go get shot."

Penn: "I wish I could be eating these fries at a better school." "Me too. Let's transfer to Columbia."

Stanford: "Dude, I have so much work this weekend." "Like, chill out, dude. Have some, like, fries."

Dartmouth: "Oh man, I got so trashed this weekend." "Have some beer."

Tufts: "I wish I were Ivy League." "Here, drink the fry grease."

1. With a little effort, you could pull the bags under your eyes over your head.
2. When the professor calls out your name during attendance, you rhythmically cry out "In da' house!"
3. Your dirty laundry has become the closest thing to wall-to-wall carpeting.
4. Every study group you join gets fed up with your need to take a break for techno and grinding.
5. All your stories begin with, "I was so wasted..."
6. Your Native American name would've been "Man of Running Body Fluids."
7. You refer to sunlight as a "that bright shit."
8. You look forward to the weekdays as a time to relax.
9. Whenever you see a blinking "Do Not Walk" sign, you think how great it would look if you were on ecstasy.
10. All your stories end with, "...and that's when everything got blurry."

An Aggie and a Longhorn had just bought a ranch together, so they were driving the fence line to check everything out when they came upon a goat with his head stuck in a fence. So the Longhorn gets out of the truck, looks around, and then starts screwing the goat. He gets finished, takes a step back, ands asks the Aggie, "Hey, you want a piece of this?" The Aggie says, "Yeah, but do I have to stick my head in the fence?"

You know you're in trouble when...
1. The McDonald's people know you by name from late night study breaks.
2. You have spent more time figuring out that you only need a 54% to pass the final than you have actually spent studying.
3. The college drunk confronts you and says: "Don't you think you should get to work now?"
4. Your study schedule is based on the rationale that you "might" actually die before the test!
5. Your parents inquire about your grades and you sing the Cookie Monster song: "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me..."
6. Mom calls to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, "Get off my back, b*#%h!"

Q: What does an Oregon Ducks fan do when his team has won the national championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.