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The best jokes and joke writers!

Biology Lab Samples

A group of students had a biology lab. As a part of this lab they were supposed to scrape some bacteria off their teeth with a toothpick and then examine it under the microscope. But this one girl had some problems identifying her bacteria and asked the professor what they were. "Those are sperm cells."

You Might Be A College Student

  • If you average 3 hours of sleep a night
  • If your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn't
  • If you go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week
  • If you are personally keeping the local pizza place from bankruptcy
  • If you wake up 10 minutes before class
  • If you wear the same jeans 13 days in a row -- without washing them
  • If your breakfast consists of a coke on the way to class
  • If your social life consists of a date with the library
  • If it takes a shovel to find the floor of your room
  • If you carry less than a dollar on your person
  • If you haven't done laundry in so long you are wearing your swim suit to class
  • If you celebrate when you find a quarter
  • If your room is so cold that your toilet freezes over
  • If you wear a sweat suit for so long that it stands up by itself
  • If your backpack is giving you Scoliosis
  • If you get more sleep in class than in your room
  • If your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some Ramen Noodles
  • If you can sleep through your roommate's blaring stereo
  • If you live in an area that is smaller than most mobile homes
  • If you get more e-mail than mail

Notre Dame, IU, and Purdue Players

There were 3 basketball players, one each from IU, Notre Dame, and Purdue, standing on a burning roof in Indianapolis. The fire department came with a blanket and yelled to the Notre Dame player to jump. He jumped and they moved it to the right. He hit the sidewalk with a splat. They then called to the IU player to jump. He said that he wouldn't jump. They said they liked IU better than Notre Dame. So he jumped and the fire department moved the blanket to the left. The IU player hit with a splat on the sidewalk. Then they called to the Purdue player to jump. He said that he wouldn't jump. The fire department said they hated IU and Notre Dame. He yelled back, "Lay the blanket down on the sidewalk, and then I'll jump!"

13 Pranks for College Lecture

1. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board.
2. Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook.
3. Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY." (At Least for the Male profs.)
4. Address the professor as "your excellency."
5. When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!"
6. Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard erasers.
7. Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if he's been drinking.
8. Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Smith. Claim that the i is silent.
9. Sit in the front row reading the professor's graduate thesis and snickering.
10. Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, "Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?" Become agitated when the professor can't understand you.
11. Wink at the professor every few minutes. (Hey you might even get a date if he/she is cute.)
12. Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write "Signup Sheet #5" at the top, and start passing it around the room.
13. Start a "wave" in a large lecture hall.

Convince These Students

An Army recruiter delivered a windy pep talk to encourage a group of college students to join the VOLAR. But the culminating point of his oration was greeted with cat calls, whistles and projection of rotten eggs and an assortment of no less rotten vegetables and fruits. A visitor asked a student: "Why you throw tomatoes at the man and now you are applauding him?" "We want an encore. I still have some tomatoes left!" explained the student.