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The best jokes and joke writers!

Loud, Mad, or Sad?

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

I'd Do Anything

A student comes to a young professor's office. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do ANYTHING!!"  He returns her gaze. "Anything??"  "Yes!  Anything!", She says. His voice turns to a whisper, "Would you...study??"

Naval Student's Anchors

A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.

"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?" asked the captain.

"Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied.

"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"

"Throw out another anchor, sir," the student replied.

"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain.

"Throw out another anchor, sir," the student replied.

"Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?"

"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."

You Can Have Anything You Want

The one student calls out to the other, "Hey--Nice bike! Where did you get it?"

"Well," replies the other, "I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says 'you can have ANYTHING you want!'"

"Good choice," says the first guy, "her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Sight of Money

I was sorry to hear that a friend of mine dropped out of med school. He really wanted to be a doctor, but just couldn't stand the sight of money.