The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that WonTon spelled backwards is Not Now.
While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie. Rabbi: "What are doing here with a dog?" Bernie: "The dog came here to pray." "Oh, come on," says the Rabbi. "YES!" says Bernie. Rabbi: "I don't believe you. You are just fooling around; that's not a proper thing to do in temple. "Bernie: "Its true!" "OK", says the Rabbi, "then show me what the dog can do." "OK" says Bernie nodding to the dog. The dog proceeds to open up the barrel under his neck and removes a yarmulke and a tallit, puts them on his head, and prayer book, and actually starts saying prayers in Hebrew! The Rabbi is so shocked he listens for a full 15 minutes. When the Rabbi regains his composure, he is so impressed with the quality of the praying he says to Bernie. "Do you think your dog would consider going to Rabbinical school?" Bernie, throwing up his hands in disgust says,"YOU TALK TO HIM! He wants to be a doctor!"
Jewish Oral Sex
Q: How do a Jewish couple have oral sex?
A: They sit at opposite ends of the bed and yell screw you at one another.
Q: Did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus?
A: He comes down the chimney, wakes up the children and says, "Hey kids, do you want to buy some toys?"
Christmas In A Jewish Home
Q: How is Christmas celebrated in a Jewish home?
A: They put parking meters on the roof!