Jewish Mother's Opinion

A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle." "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?" "I don't like her."

The Rabbi's Pay

There was a Rabbi whose wife was expecting a baby. The Rabbi went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that when the Rabbi's family expanded, so would his paycheck. After five or six children, this started to get expensive. The congregation decided to hold a meeting again to discuss the Rabbi's pay situation. As you can imagine there was much yelling and bickering. Finally, the Rabbi got up and spoke to the crowd. "Having children is an act of God!" In the back of the room, a little old man with a full beard stood up and in his frail voice said.. "Point of information - snow and rain are also 'acts of God', but we wear rubbers!"

Jewish Porno

Q: Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backward?
A: They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.