President Yeltsin, President Clinton and Bill Gates are invited to have dinner with God. During dinner He tells them, "I needed three important people to send my message out to all the people: Tomorrow I will destroy the Earth."
Yeltsin immediately calls together his cabinet and announces, "I have two really bad news items. God really exists, and tomorrow he will destroy the earth."
Clinton calls an emergency meeting of congress and announces, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is God really does exist; the bad news is tomorrow he's destroying the Earth."
Gates goes back to Microsoft and tells his employees, "I have two pieces of great news. First, I am one of the three most important people on earth, and second, I think I've got the Y2K problem fixed."
Men's Rude Awakening
The men who do make it to Heaven are going to have a rude awakening up there when they find out two things:
God is a woman...and she nailed down all of Heaven's toilet seats!
God Has To Be Fair.
If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.
God Does Have A Sense of Humor
A man was praying to God. He said, "God!?" God responded, "Yes?" And the guy said, "Can I ask a question?" "Go right ahead," God said."God, what is a million years to you?" God said, "A million years to me is only a second." "Hmmm," the man wondered. Then he asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?" God said, "A million dollars to me is as a penny."So the man said, "God, can I have a penny?" And God cheerfully said, "Sure!!.....just a second."
Bible By College Students:
How the Bible would have been different if written by college students:
Loaves and Fishes replaced by Pizza and Chips
Ten Commandments are actually only five, but because they are double-spaced and written in a large font, they look like ten.
Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't dorm food.
Paul's Letters to the Romans become Paul's E-Mail to the Romans.
Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
The place where the end of the world occurs, not the Plains of Armageddon, rather Finals.
Tower of Babel blamed for Foreign Language requirement.
Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like a Freshman.
Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter and hoped no one noticed.