Rabbi Trouble

The Rabbi rose with a red face. "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K.K.K. This is a horrible lie and one which a Jewish community cannot tolerate! I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and our Jewish community." No one moved. The Rabbi continued, "Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel relief. Now stand and confess your transgression!" Again all was quiet. Slowly a "drop dead" gorgeous blonde with a body that would not stop rose in the third pew. Her head was bowed, and her voice quivered as she spoke. "Rabbi, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan, I just told a couple of friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

Cucumber Stand

Three nuns went to a cucumber stand in an open market one day.  They asked how much the cucumbers were. The merchant said that they were 4 for a dollar. The nuns said okay.  The puzzled merchant asked why they needed four cucumbers when there were only three of them.  A nun answered back, "Well, we could always eat one."

At The Pearly Gates

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, "1,228." "That's right! You may enter." St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them."