Rabbi Or Priest?

Q: What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest?
A: A rabbi cuts it off, and a priest sucks it off.

Blonde Lottery

A blonde wanted to win the lottery so she prayed to God, and she lost. Next week she prayed to God again, and she lost. The week after she prayed to God, and she lost.
She said to God,"Why wont you let me win?"
God replied,"How about buying a ticket first?"

Truck Driver, Priest, and Lawyer

A truck driver was zooming down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. Feeling it was his obligation, he stopped to give the priest a ride. A short time later, he saw a lawyer with a briefcase on the side of the road and the driver aimed his truck at him. At the last second, he thought of the priest with him and realized he couldn't run over the lawyer, so he swerved, but he heard a thump anyway. Looking back as he drove on, he didn't see anything. He began to apologize for his behavior to the priest. "I'm sorry, Father. I barely missed that lawyer at the side of the road." But the priest said, "Don't worry, son. I got him with my door."