Jewish ADHD

Q: How do you help a Jew with ADHD?
A: Concentration camp.

Shy Priest

A shy priest greets the wedding guests at the Church. He's very nervous and doesn't say much. As the Bride and Groom approach the altar the priest steps up and gives the best homily anyone has ever heard. He's full of confidence, incredibly expressive and has everyone in fits of laughter!
After the vows, the priest is again extremely shy and barely says a word to anyone. The groom approaches the him and asks, "Why are you so shy? You seemed like a different person when you were giving that homily!"
"I know..." Says the priest, "But that was just my altar ego."

PMS and the Bible?

One day a woman went to her pastor and asked, "Pastor there are some things in life that aren't addressed in the Bible; how are we supposed to deal with them?  The Pastor responded, "There are no such things, give me an example of what you are talking about".  The woman responded, "PMS is not in the Bible". So the Pastor thought and told the woman to call back in the morning and he would have the answer.  The woman called the next morning and asked if the Pastor had an answer about PMS in the Bible.  The Pastor replied, "Yes, it's the part where Mary rides Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem!!!".