Be Sure and Pack
Q: What animals were last to leave the ark?
A: The elephants as they had to pack their trunks!
Made For Love
Adam was talking to God one day, and asked, "why did you make Eve so pretty?" God replied, "So you would love her." Adam then asked, "why did you make her such a good cook?" God replied, "So that you would love her." Adam asked, "Why does she have such a heavenly smile?" God said, "So you would love her." Finally, Adam asked, "Why did you make her so dumb?" God replied, "So that she would love you!"
How Do Jewish People Celebrate Christmas?
Q: How do Jewish people celebrate Christmas?
A: They all gather around their cash registers and sing, "What a Friend We Have In Jesus..."
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him. “Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.” “Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”
In Church on Sunday morning, the preacher was standing up at the pulpit preaching a sermon. After speaking for about 10 minutes he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd throw it in the river!" Then he talked some more and a little while later he said, "If I had all the wine in the world, I'd throw it in the river!" After that statement, he kept ranting and raving until about 15 minutes later when he said, "If I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd throw it in the river!" Then he talked for a few more minutes and sat down. Then, the choir director stood up and with a sheepish smile on her face she said, "now will the congregation please stand and join us in singing hymn number 134, LET'S ALL GATHER AT THE RIVER!