Relationship Jokes - Marriage Jokes

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with.  I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!" The doctor says I should be able to see again in about ten days. The broken arm will take about a month.

Husband writes code.

Wife : Honey, please go to the super market and get 1 bottle of milk. If they have bananas, bring 6.

He came back with 6 bottles of milk.

Wife: Why the hell did you buy 6 bottles of milk?!?!

Husband (confused): BECAUSE THEY HAD BANANAS.

He still doesn't understand why his wife yelled at him since he did exactly as she told him.

A young boy after hearing the story of Thanksgiving and how the Indians and the Pilgrims sat down together, climbed up into his father's lap and said, "Daddy, did you know that if we were Indians, you would be a brave and Mom would be a squawk?" "That is the best description of your mother I have ever heard!" replied his daddy as he ducked.

This old geezer of 78 marries a girl of 18. The morning after the wedding night, the girl comes down with a pained expression on her face. "What's the matter, dear?" asks the woman at the front desk. "Well," sniffed the girl, "He told me he'd been saving up for 60 years, and I thought he meant his money!"

My wife was standing nude in front of the mirror. She wasn't happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel terrible; I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

I replied, "Your eyesight is damn near perfect."