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The best jokes and joke writers!

Real Advertisements - 5

Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.

  • Wanted: Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
  • Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
  • Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
  • And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
  • We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
  • Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting - off - head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
  • For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
  • Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
  • Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Wife Places ad for Husband

I have received hundreds of replies to my ad for a husband. They all say the same thing - "Take mine."

NY Times Ad

Ad seen in the New York Times... FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows f#*#ing everything.

Real Classified Ads 02

These are supposedly actual classified ads that have appeared in various papers across the world.

FOR SALE:

LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50

NORDIC TRACK $300 - HARDLY USED - CALL CHUBBIE at: BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING - "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS" SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER - "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!" PRESIDENT'S CHOICE - COW MANURE - 2 33lb bags - $5

HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB GEORGIA PEACHES - CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.

NICE PARACHUTE - NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE - SLIGHTLY STAINED

Real Advertisements - 2

Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.

  • Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
  • A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
  • For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
  • Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
  • Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. 
  • Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.