Watch out!

A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall-bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually still alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end of the ceremony, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "WATCH OUT FOR THAT WALL!"

What Three Words?

Q: Besides "I love you", what three words does a wife want to hear most?
A: "I'll fix it."

Lipstick

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick.
I accidentally gave her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.