Italian, Black, and a Jew

Three best friends are at the corner bar on a Friday night as usual. One of them is an Italian, one is Black and the other is Jewish. They are sitting around drinking some beers, and they make a wager. They bet who can make love to their wife and make her scream the longest. They agree to return next week and compare. Next week, they all arrive at the bar at the usual time with smiles on their faces. The Italian guy says, "I definitely won. I took my wife out to dinner, bought her roses, then took her home and made love to her. She screamed for an hour." The black guy says, "Man, that's nothin'. I cooked dinner for my wife, and for dessert I poured honey all over her and made love to her like never before. She screamed for two hours." The Jewish guy chimes in, "I got you both beat. I made love to my wife for 3 minutes, pulled out, then wiped my schmeckel on the curtain. She's still screaming!"

More Tail

A guy is outside in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. Every time the kite gets up in the air, it comes crashing down.
After this goes on for a while, his wife sticks her head out the front door and yells, "You need more tail."
The guy turns to his son and says, "Son, I never will understand women. I just told her an hour ago I needed more tail, and she said to go fly a kite!"

Drive with Grandpa

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers?  Well, here it is:
There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends.   Every Saturday morning he would take his 7-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time -- just him and his granddaughter.
One particular Saturday, however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all.  He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be disappointed.  Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for the drive.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed.  "Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked.   "Oh, yes, PapPap, it was really wonderful.   We didn't see a single asshole, blind bastard, dipshit or son of a bitch anywhere we went!"