Relationship Jokes - Man Criticizes Woman

Mrs. Dugan and Mrs. Riley were talking one day about Mr. Riley and his constant drinking. Mrs. Dugan said, "I have an idea about how to stop him from spending so much time at the pub. Every night he comes home through the cemetery. One night you should get disguised and spook him when he comes staggering through." So Mrs. Riley waited in the cemetery one night until she heard her husband coming. She jumped up and a startled Riley said, "Who are you??" Mrs. Riley replied, "I am the devil!" With that, Riley shook her hand and said, "Glad to meet ya, I'm married to your sister."

Mary went to Jill's place to tell her about a horrible experience she'd had the previous night with this bloke she brought home. "Well, what happened when you got there?" Jill asked "The bastard called me a slut!" Mary said. "What did you do then?" Jill asked, shocked. "I told him to get the fuck out of my bedroom and take his eight mates with him!" Mary said.

My best friend ran away with my wife.... 

I miss him.

Q: Why did God give man a penis?

A: So we'd have at least one way to shut a woman up!

My wife asked when we were going out. "After a shave," I told her. "You shaved this morning" she said. "Yeah," I replied "I wasn't talking about me"