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The best jokes and joke writers!

Blonde Intelligence

Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?

A: Divorced.

Divorced and Board

These two guys had each recently divorced and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again.  As soon as they arrived, they went into a trader's store and told the owner, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year." The trader got the gear together and on top of each one's supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole. Curiously, they asked,  "What's that board for?".  The trader said, "Well, where you're going there are no women and you might need this."  They said "No way! We've sworn off women for life!" The trader said, "Well, take the boards with you and if you don't use them I'll refund your money next year".   "Okay", they said and left.

Next year this guy came into the trader's store and said "Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year." The trader said, "Weren't you in here last year with a partner?".  "Yeah", said the guy.  "Where is he?", asked the trader.  "I shot him", said the guy.  "Why?", the owner asked quickly.  "I caught him in bed with my board."

Marriage Is...Part 2

Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out.

Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it.

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.

Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.

Marriage still confers one very special privilege - only a married person can get divorced.

Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and around the hands and feet of the man.

Marriage: the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.

Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth.

You Might Be A Redneck 37

You might be a redneck if...

  • The directions to your bathroom include, "Go past the big oak and hang a left at the woodshed."
  • You're in bed with your wife and you call out a name you gave to a coon you killed.
  • You've ever been arrested for where you got your girlfriend roses.
  • Your old car is now considered the main storage unit.
  • Every magazine on your coffee table has a piece of toilet paper for a bookmark.
  • Charlie Daniels is your commencement speaker.
  • After the divorce you still call your Ex "Cuz".
  • You have a bowling machine in your kitchen.
  • You pick up your girlfriend on a bike for the prom.
  • The Roto-Rooter man calls for backup when visiting your house.

Goofy

Mickey and Minnie have been having problems for some time now and after hearing of Barbie and Ken's break up, they too decide to call it quits. Donald goes to Mickey to console him and says, "She's been a problem since day one. I'm glad you finally saw that she's crazy." Mickey looks at Donald and replies, "No, I broke up with her because she's fucking goofy."