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The best jokes and joke writers!

Blonde Intelligence

Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?

A: Divorced.

Marriage Is...Part 2

Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out.

Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it.

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.

Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.

Marriage still confers one very special privilege - only a married person can get divorced.

Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and around the hands and feet of the man.

Marriage: the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.

Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth.

You Might Be A Redneck 37

You might be a redneck if...

  • The directions to your bathroom include, "Go past the big oak and hang a left at the woodshed."
  • You're in bed with your wife and you call out a name you gave to a coon you killed.
  • You've ever been arrested for where you got your girlfriend roses.
  • Your old car is now considered the main storage unit.
  • Every magazine on your coffee table has a piece of toilet paper for a bookmark.
  • Charlie Daniels is your commencement speaker.
  • After the divorce you still call your Ex "Cuz".
  • You have a bowling machine in your kitchen.
  • You pick up your girlfriend on a bike for the prom.
  • The Roto-Rooter man calls for backup when visiting your house.

Goofy

Mickey and Minnie have been having problems for some time now and after hearing of Barbie and Ken's break up, they too decide to call it quits. Donald goes to Mickey to console him and says, "She's been a problem since day one. I'm glad you finally saw that she's crazy." Mickey looks at Donald and replies, "No, I broke up with her because she's fucking goofy."

Mickey Divorces Minnie

Q: Why did Mickey divorce Minnie?

A: Because she was f*cking Goofy.