Girlfriend 1.0 Software

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0). Recently he upgraded Fiancee 1.0 to Wife 1.0, and it's a memory hogger! It has taken all his space; and Wife 1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn't ask for them, Wife 1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw. These too, slow down the system and cause a slow drain on the resources and well-being of the computer. Some features I'd like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend 4.0:
1. A "Don't remind me again" button.
2. Minimize button.
3. Shutdown feature - An install shield feature so that Girlfriend 4.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects). I tried running Girlfriend 2.0 with Girlfriend 1.0 still installed; they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1.0, but it didn't have an uninstall program. I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory. Another thing that sucks -- in all versions of Girlfriend that I've used is that it is totally "object orientated" and only supports hardware with gold plated contacts. Bug warning Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.

Best BF Ever

A guy is running on a treadmill in the gym and he sees an iPhone X sitting on the next treadmill with no one around. Just then it starts ringing and a buff dude comes and answers it on speakerphone. It's a sweet voice of a young woman. The conversation goes like this:
Women: HEY BABY!!! ARE YOU STILL AT THE GYM?
Buff Dude: Yeah!!
Women: Well, okay, so I'm out shopping with my friend Sarah and we see this beautiful dress, it's so gorgeous! It's the last one and it's on sale. Sarah says it makes me look hot and that I should buy it now. I think so too but I don't have that much cash.  Would you mind if I use your card to buy it? It's only $600. Please Please?
Buff Dude: Okay!!!
Women: THANK YOU HONEY!!! Also, there's this beautiful necklace that matches the dress and it's on sale for $199. The dress is nothing without the necklace, can I get it too?
Buff Dude: Yeah!!
Women: OMG!! you are the best and speaking of the best you know that Kaitlyn's wedding is coming up and these guys have this beautiful gown, It will make me look like a princess and it's only $1200.  Can I get that now too?
Buff Dude: get it...
Women: OH MY GOSH...YOU ARE THE BEST BOYFRIEND EVER !!! I LOVE YOU SOOOOO MUCH...THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I'M GONNA TREAT YOU FOR THIS. DON'T SPEND ALL OF YOUR ENERGY AT THE GYM, YOU'RE GONNA NEED IT TONIGHT!
LOVE YOU!!!
Buff Dude: Bye!!
The buff dude takes the phone and leaves.  The guy can't believe the conversation, figures the buff dude must be loaded and babe extremely hot. A few minutes later he hears a page over the gym loudspeaker:
Would the person who lost an iPhone X please come to the front desk - you had a phone call!

Rejection Lines by Women

TOP 10 REJECTION LINES GIVEN BY WOMEN (and what they actually mean)
10. I think of you as a brother.. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")
9. There's a slight difference in our ages.. (I don't want to do my dad)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.)
7. My life is too complicated right now.. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)
6. I've got a boyfriend .. (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's)
5. I don't date men where I work.. (I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)
4. It's not you, it's me.. (It's you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career.. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
2. I'm celibate.. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)
1. Let's be friends.. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male perspective thing.)