Don't Say This

There are LOTS of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date...
"I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired."
"I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you."
"I used to come here all the time with my ex."
"Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour."
"I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look."
"And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest."
"I know you said you don't eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask."
"It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am."
"I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it.

Social Security Sex

Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

What a Yawn Means

Q: How can you tell if your date really digs oral sex?
A: She hikes up her skirt every time you yawn.