Black Widow Spiders

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill the male after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

Front Desk Call

A man calls the hotel front desk. "Hello how I may I be of assistance sir?"
"I NEED YOU TO SEND SOMEONE TO MY ROOM RIGHT AWAY."
"Calm down Sir, what seems to be the problem?" "My wife is trying to jump out of the window..." "Oh that sounds like a personal matter, I'm afraid we cannot involve ourselves."
"Listen here you smart-ass, the window isn't opening up and that's a maintenance matter!"

Locate your Heart

An old lady's husband had just died and she felt their was no reason to live anymore. She called the doctor and asked exactly where her heart was. He told her it should be under her left breast. That night she went to the emergency room with a gun shot in the knee.