Married Men Gain Weight

Q: Why do married men gain weight and bachelors don’t?
A: The bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.

Paying Rent

"That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker," the housewife told a neighbor. "You didn't do it, did you?" "I have to admit I did, though with certain misgivings, I might add. What I haven't done, though, is tell my husband the rent is paid up for six months!"

Particular Kind of Woman

The bachelor who complained that the women he selected would not remain his friend for more than a few weeks was told, "Your problem is that you are looking for a particular kind of woman. You ought to be looking for the kind of woman who is not particular."