Relationship Jokes

Blame Duke

There once was a man who was going to the movies with a beautiful girl. Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies. When they got there, he asked her if she wanted some popcorn and Coke. She said sure, so he went to the restroom. The line was long, so he went back to the lobby, got the food, and went back into the theater. When the movie was over, he went to the bathroom again, still with a tremendously long line. He figures he can wait until he drops her off. When they pull up into her driveway, she exclaims, ''Oh goodie. My grandparents are here. Come on in and meet them.'' He agrees, despite his situation. They go in and sit down at the table. Finally, he couldn't hold it in any longer a tried to let it seep out a little at a time. As he squeezed out a toxic blast, he aimed it towards the family's hound dog Duke, in hopes that they might blame the pooch for the horrendous fart. The girl's father stands up and hollers ''Duke!!'' and sits back down. ''Great!'' he thought. ''They really think it's the dog!'' So, he starts bombarding the room with a couple, more powerful, louder stinkers. Once again, the girl's father stands up, shouts ''Duke!!'' and sits back down. Finally, he lets it all go and the loudest most hair-curling fart you've ever heard or smelt rippled through the dining room. The girl's father stands up again. ''Duke, get the hell out from under him before he shits on you!!''

Categories: Gross Jokes , Animal Jokes (Dog Jokes) , Funny Thoughts , Jokes about Families (Father Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Dating Jokes)
Anonymous

Elevator Magic

A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?" The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!" While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out. The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your maw!"

Categories: Redneck Jokes (Hillbilly Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Man Criticizes Woman)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Just One Big Wish.

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three.  You only get one wish!" The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete, how much steel!! No, think of another wish." The man said "OK, I will try to think of a really good wish". Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing,' know how to make them truly happy." The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"

Categories: Relationship Jokes (Man Criticizes Woman) , Relationship Jokes (Marriage Jokes) , Sexist Jokes (About Women)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous