Doing Laundry

Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, however, the laundry always get wet. All the laundry, that is, except for Sophie's. The other two women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it rains.
So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Sophie, "Say, how come when it rains, your laundry is never out?"
"Well," says Sophie, "when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Saul. If his penis is hanging over his right leg, I know it's going to be a great day, and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his left leg, I know it's going to rain, so I don't hang out the wash."
"What if he has an erection?" asks one of the women.
"Honey," says Sophie, "on a day like that, you don't do the laundry!"

Wishes Granted

An old woman is sitting in a rocking chair on her porch, petting her cat Foo Foo. A fairy appears and says, "I'm here to grant you three wishes." The old woman says, "I wish I was twenty years old and beautiful again." Poof! She is. "Now I wish I had a million dollars and this old house was a mansion." Poof! Done. "And now I wish that Foo Foo was the handsomest man ever and deeply in love with me." Poof! Suddenly she's in the arms of a gorgeous man. He kisses her and says, "Darling, aren't you sorry you had me fixed?"

Dying Wives!

"I was married 3 times" explained the man to a newly discovered drinking partner, " and I'll never marry again. My first 2 wives died of eating poison mushrooms and my 3rd wife died of a fractured skull." "That's a shame." said his friend , "How did it happen?" "She wouldn't eat the fucking mushrooms!"