Two Kentucky hillbillies happened to meet in town. "How're thangs with y'all, Pete?" one asked. "Not bad at all," Pete replied. "My old woman ain't talkin' to me this eyer week... and I ain't in no mood to interrupt her."
Q: What do you call 32 hillbillies standing in line?
A: A full set of teeth!
Tim Kelly Run-In
Tim Kelly was walking through a dim passageway when someone spoke to him. "Good evenin', Kelly," said to the muffled figure. "Don't ye be knowin' your old friend Grogan any more?" Kelly stared at Grogan, whose face was a patchwork of bandages and adhesive plaster. One arm was in a sling and he was leaning on a crutch. "Saints!" cried Kelly. "Was ye hit by a train, Grogan, or did ye merely jump from the trestle?" "It could've been both," said Grogan, "considerin' the feel of it. But the truth is, I was in bed with Murphy's wife when Murphy himself comes in with a murtherin' big shillelagh in his hand, and the inconsiderate creature beat the livin' bejazus outa me." "He did indade," said Kelly. "But couldn't ye defend y'rself, Grogan? Hadn't ye nothin' in your own hand?" "Only Mrs. Murphy's ass," said Grogan. "It's a beautiful thing in itself, but not worth a dom in a fight."