Redneck Jokes - Hillbilly Jokes

Q: What's delaying the hillbilly space program?

A: Development of a working match.

A young hillbilly always went out to the barn to beat off and when he was done he would shoot his load into a coffee can and hide it under the bench. One day his father caught him and told him, "Son, every time you do that you are killing a baby."
The next time the boy went to the barn he was about to shoot his load and reached down to grab his can but a little frog had jumped in. The boy looked in the can saw the frog and said, "Son you're ugly but daddy loves ya."

Q: What do hillbilly chicks and polar bears have in common?
A: They both lick their paws.

Two Kentucky hillbillies happened to meet in town. "How're thangs with y'all, Pete?" one asked. "Not bad at all," Pete replied. "My old woman ain't talkin' to me this eyer week... and I ain't in no mood to interrupt her."

Tim Kelly was walking through a dim passageway when someone spoke to him. "Good evenin', Kelly," said to the muffled figure. "Don't ye be knowin' your old friend Grogan any more?" Kelly stared at Grogan, whose face was a patchwork of bandages and adhesive plaster. One arm was in a sling and he was leaning on a crutch. "Saints!" cried Kelly. "Was ye hit by a train, Grogan, or did ye merely jump from the trestle?" "It could've been both," said Grogan, "considerin' the feel of it. But the truth is, I was in bed with Murphy's wife when Murphy himself comes in with a murtherin' big shillelagh in his hand, and the inconsiderate creature beat the livin' bejazus outa me." "He did indade," said Kelly. "But couldn't ye defend y'rself, Grogan? Hadn't ye nothin' in your own hand?" "Only Mrs. Murphy's ass," said Grogan. "It's a beautiful thing in itself, but not worth a dom in a fight."