Redneck Jokes - Hillbilly Jokes

A hillbilly family's only son saves up money to go to college. After about three years, he comes back home. They are sitting around the dinner table, when the dad says, ''Well son, you done gone to college, so you must be perty smart. Why don't you speak some math fer' us?'' ''Ok, Pa.'' The son then says, ''Pi R squared.'' After a moment, the dad says, ''Why son, they ain't teached ya nothin'! Pie are round, cornbread are square.''

I was walking through Tennessee, and I came upon a cabin. There was a man sitting on the porch with a big bottle in front of him. He called over to me, "Hey boy, get over here." Pointing to the bottle, he asked, "You know what this is?" "I don't know." "It's moonshine you idiot. Why don't you take a drink?" "No thanks," I said. All of a sudden he pulled out a pistol and pointed it at me. "If you don't take a drink, I'll blow your balls off!" Terrified, I took a drink. It was the worst thing I ever tasted. It burned going down, I thought I was going to throw up. "Good stuff, aint it?" He said. Then he handed me the pistol. "Now you point that gun at me so I can take a drink."

A hillbilly is sitting in a bar, drinking, when a woman slides up next to him. "You're cute," says the woman, "do you want to go back to my place and have some nasty sex?" "You bet!'' exclaims the hillbilly, "But I have to tell you, I'm a virgin. I've always been scared because my mom told me that women have sharp teeth between their legs, and sometimes they bite."
"Don't worry," the woman says, and the two head back to her place, where she strips and shows the hillbilly her private parts. "Now, does it look like I have teeth down there?" she asks. "How could you possible have teeth down there?" he says, "Look at the shape your gums are in."

A city girl was driving back to town after attending a family funeral when she ran out of gas. It was getting late so she asked two good ol' boys sitting on the stoop of a mobile home where she could get some gas. "Well," said one, "the fillin' station ain't open 'till tomorrie, but I reckon you kin stay the night with me & Billy-Bob here." She accepted, only to be told that there was only one bed, which both Billy-Bob & Billy-Ray slept in. Thinking it might be fun, she went ahead anyway. When all three of them were all tucked in, they were just about to jump her bones when she halted proceedings. Pulling out two condoms, she said, "You nice boys wouldn't want me to get pregnant, would you? Here, put these on." They did. The three of them proceeded to have the time of their lives. In the morning the car got gassed up and our girl went back to the city. Three months later, Billy-Bob and Billy-Ray were sitting on the stoop, chewin' on some RedMan. "D'ya remember that city girl who stopped by here a while back?" asked Billy-Ray. "Ah sure do," said Billy-Bob, with a smirk. "D'ya really care if she gets pregnant?" "Nah," said Billy-Bob. "Well, lets get these STUPID things off of our dicks!"

My wife beamed at me with pride and said, “Wow! I never thought our son would go that far!“

I said, “This trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter.”